It's official

Hey guys!

Thought you were done with me right? Well your not and yeah, it's become a rant yet again. oh glory everyone loves a rant right? Well to be honest, my life has suddenly become well, not hell just, not good at least. I've gotten worse by the days that have gone and now I'm thinking that I'm probably insane or something. Sunday night I cried out, it's been a long time since I've done something like that bu tit wasn't pleasurable. It was more the opposite. I was sad, confused and paranoid which made my head focus all the negativ energy inside me. I can't get words out of my head neither images. They all focus that I can't trust my boyfriend which I do, but it's getting harder to focus completely. I turn around and ignore my best friend giving my boyfriend a hug. I know they probably aren't doing anything but if I see it I get my claws out and want her to stay as far as possible away from him. I can't say that, I'd kill myself for it. I just stress away ignoring the thought thinking they are friends of course they are, and that it's a disgrace if they became together without me knowing it or even became together. But still my mind finds some weak spots and gives me a hell of a lot of pain which makes me unfocused and sad. I've started to grow more tired each day, I can't sleep properly and I don't want to wake my other ebst friend up and talk to her so I can't get it out. I know I sound like the world is going under when its not but somehow it feels like it when it's about him. When I know his sick I get easily bored and I have a hard time to smile. I can't laugh properly and well I just lack that shine when his not there. I love him, and even though I'm shy and all I know I don't need to fake it. I do it sometimes yes, but who doesn't? It tires me out when I get deppressed and I can't talk to my dad about it, I want to talk to mom but she's not here and by tomorrow it has probably calmed down already, it's so freaking annoying I just want to curl up into a ball and lay under my blanket and stay there! Got nothing more to say I think so yeah.

Wishes
Mally